The night took... just as much as the sun has burned.

A failed creation.

2009-12-11T01:16:51Z

So, I'm sitting here, seventeen years old, in terrible back, foot, and hip pain. So physically unwell. Seventeen and having problems that the elderly should have. Mark me as a complainer, I care not. Because this overwhelming agony is felt both physically and mentally. Having to cope with such pain isn't fun, in away way or manner. But it becomes completed. I'm sure everyone can relate to such a topic of body aching.

Recently, I have infact gotten more in tune with my spiritual side. Meditation has its soothing remedies most of the time for me. Unless I can't get comfortable enough to sit and clear my trance of thoughts.

Also lately, I have been having vivid and intense dreams. I like them. I honestly do. Though some scare the living shit out of me, I enjoy my dreams, and I am going to start keeping a journal of my dreams, and intepretations.

It is said that meditating before sleep, also may increase your dream intenstity. I must say, this form of enhancement definitely heightens your dream stage.

My goal is to acheieve optimism. I am a pessimist at heart, there is no doubt. But my outlooks on life these days has been much more positive.

I am a believer of God, but I do not name a religion to myself.

So a creation failed or not. I'm here with my flawed body that is seemingly so one of the biggest downers- lol. But, this stops me not!

:)

What a sketchy way to express. Sorry ideas aren't formed. Just sitting here thinking.

heartless_city @ 2009-11-27T15:04:00

2009-11-27T20:04:54Z

The purple color is me talking.
The blue is my good friend Cody.

it's fucked up how things are sometimes.
it's even more fucked up that good people at heart have to deal with bullshit.
where this world should be peaceful.
we're all equal.
we're all fucking humans.
the "highest power" top of the food chain type.
but we're not the highest power. nature is.
nature conquers all.
it lets us know when it's upset.
and when we disrupt it.
but, do we give a damn? nope. we as a general population. individuals do, some do very much.
sorry.
i'm stoned, i'm on a rant.

9:00 PM
damn, you get deep into that stuff

9:00 PM
i know.. trust me.
we're just part of a bigger creature..or a bigger idea.
we are just walking, talking figures of matter.
made of particles ..cells.. that all combine to form us. and it's so hard to define the word mind, because a mind is not something that is visible.. at all.
a mind is thoughts, but it's wierd how they can't be seen.
why have they not made up a fucking machine to see thoughts?
because it's intrusion on privacy.
fuck i knew that lol.
well, unless people are willing, then no. but then the government gets the idea
and corrupts the fucking world even more
goddamn cody
lol
fucking government
fucking obama.
fucked up world we live in.
and i'm not the only witness.

9:02 PM.
well
ha

9:02 PM
i'm sorry if i bore you. but wow.
it's something to think about.
to complex your mind with.

9:02 PM
no, no

9:03 PM
i love my vocabulary. and i'm proud of it. so sorry if i talk like i'm a fucking geek .

9:03 PM
ive never thought about it like that

9:03 PM
crazy eh?

9:03 PM
hah

9:03 PM
tis true...

9:04 PM
oh i dont doubt it

9:04 PM
i wish someone would connect to my mind for five minutes.
and they'd be like, send her the fuck away.
lol.
but there are even smarter than i. definitely.

9:06 PM
how did you get into this kinda stuff?

9:06 PM
what do you mean...
i've always questioned existence. i've never been a believer in religion, but definitely been takin' the thoughts in. stayin' open-minded.

9:06 PM
like you know what youre talkin bout

9:06 PM
i don't know.. i do know what i am talking about..
it's just.. comes to me.

9:07 PM
ha, wow.

9:07PM.
It's Wierd..Like I believe our whole universe is a spehere adn our universe is a planet in the bigger universe..understand?

9:07 PM
what do you mean

9:08 PM
get on aim

On AOL I sent a picture of my theory, lol.

This picture :
Lol, just put random planets in our universe, it's not in order or anything from the sun. Just expressing the general idea.
Hahahah.

The Ballad I wrote for the play "The Crucible."

2009-11-07T04:47:17Z

Accusations thrown around town

The whispered words, noises and sounds

Blaming of witchery and other foolish crimes,

Have they nothing better to do in their given time?

Witchery, the accusation noted-

Have they let their brains and heads become overly bloated?

Still the ignorant people talk of the "truth."

Yet, foolish they are as the day new.

Bold people as well;

For they will tell-

You to believe what their hearts do...

And they will make you too!

Unless you wish your breath to stop,

Your heart to drop,

Then you may be killed-

Then their envious people will be full of thrill.

Cruel and unusual-

Their hearts mark the night

And betray those of good,

The everlasting sight.

For when the Lord's name cannot be heard without a cringe or scream-

Then one must be part of the Devil's team.

What else could be wrong?

For the days are cold and nights are long.

Bare skin scuttering about...

The voices heard of a faint shout...

Dancing around the fierce fire at night...

No one is to stage such fright...

Given the right amount of time-

Guts will spill of witchery and crime.

Now the accused will accuse...and lies will be brought forth.

Of creepy charms and of the cruel curse.

Father is upset now..

Because he is a man of the lord and yet he asks "How?"

"How did this happen to my dear daughter doctor! Tell me now."

Her eyes don't glow anymore

And her heart is not so pure.

Cruel and unusual-

Their hearts mark the night

And betray those of good,

The everlasting sight.

Now everyone in the chaotic town

Has to sleep with their heavy eyes open

Walk with their heavy minds closed

Keep your secrets safe; for no one is to know.

The time will come, when

All the accused shall be sentenced

To a harsh death, as

Rocks overbear the sea.

Cruel and unusual-

Their hearts mark the night

And betray those of good,

The everlasting sight.

heartless_city @ 2009-10-10T13:23:00

2009-10-10T17:29:22Z

Has there been a time when you stop, look in the mirror.. and think to yourself "Maybe I'm the flawed one." Everything you do seems wrong, seems useless.. on a treadmill to no destination. And what have we to think of except lost causes and hopes. When you feel at the end of the road and don't wish to move your weak legs anymore... and you ask yourself.. "Why can't it just end?" And you realize, there is no choice that would make any part of life good enough.. to even considerate going on. Life is completely useless. Life is completely unfair.

To contact me.

2009-07-07T19:07:57Z

AOL: LNatalieA
MSN: LexiFrostx@hotmail.com
MYSPACE: www.myspace.com/bangxgunsxgo

You truly would not understand.

2009-06-26T00:11:55Z

There once was a tree. Full and vibrant of life, she always had been. And life was the one idea that always made everything seem better. This beautiful tree could not see… nor speak. The only way she could communicate would be through her deep roots.

In contrast to communication by roots, there was a bold, stern oak tree. He was tall and strong. He hovered over the small, petite girl tree. And he could see her beauty through his leaves. It was how he communicated.

Spring is such a beautiful season. Breeding all the frozen plants from dead ground. And mixing the rain with the trees’ roots. Providing the leaves with growth. The two grew stronger.

Summer came and went. Hot July days passed. Icecream melted from cones. Water spewed from sprinklers. And life seemed as if it had only begun.

Until fall came. Rudely and quickly. But this did not worry neither of the trees. Because, the tall Oak knew what he had to do. His leaves fell willingly from his long stretched branches. And the fell, fell, fell. Perfectly over the petite tree’s roots.

“This will keep her warm during Winter.”

And so winter came…
And what seemed death, followed.

Cold. Brittle. Weary.

The trees branches became fragile.
But within the core, remained strong.

What seemed like years, passed.
And life was to be restored.

From the warm bed of leaves that had kept the tree warm throughout winter, her roots reached to his. Intertwined. A new form of communication was now present.

And so they grew as one.
Together.

June 21st, 2009.

2009-06-22T03:48:07Z

Life has definitely taken its own roads in my life. And I've found confidence and hope. But, no where to put it. So, I've decided to pick up my writing again. It's been what seems ages. Inspiration is hard to find these days. I'm allowing myself to search for it though. It's not easy to pick up my pen again. Really not easy.

Murderers mark us all-
We take the most brittle of lives.

Are we not powerful?
And, are we not strong?

Life contains mere meaning.
And never described to the least bit.

And we, we are infact the death of life.
Just as water is the death of rock.

Call he who has given.
And take what was given,
For granted.

It is the nature held in all.
We are nature.
We are water.
And life, is simply the fragile rock,
Underneath our lies and sins.

3-23-09

2009-05-03T16:30:14Z

The island cove- salty with seaweed
      Is my getaway
     Along with the sea.

None need friends on this isolated land
       For I have seaweed,
       And each speck of fine sand.

I may be deceiving myself in a foolish way
      If one wish could be granted
      If I could have my say

You- come live here with me
      Hearing the waves overlap
      And breathing in the sea.

The island cove, lonely without one
       Lacking in fresh water
       And the brightness of the sun.

Materialistic Media: The TRUTH.

2009-05-03T16:27:12Z

Painted with crystals
Dazzled in gems

Burned to ashes.
Crisped to perfection.

A mystery to all. (2-19-09)

2009-05-03T16:26:12Z

I found it late this night
With staggering shadows
That forbade the light.

What has been captured and saved?
Along with the sandy sea,
It's the ability we crave.

A certain developing mind can see all.
With intricate insight
One mind can stand so tall

What is to be found at the bottom of the sea?
With indulging ideas, all can witness
Where to find me.

Picking Tree; (for my mother)

2009-05-03T16:23:54Z

The tree is not full today-
None for need,
None for desire.

Flakes of unwanted bark
Come pouring down
Come buried with the ground.

The tree is empty today.
No bark.
No desire.

Where are the roots that kept the tree alive?
That secured the tree to the ground.

In this self-made rut.
That deepnds with each step
That encloses all life.

Still empty.
Where is the need?
Where is the desire?

Well over a year ago-

2009-05-03T16:21:33Z

Each splinter of bark clings onto the tree
The roaring of the waves in my chest;
Sweetness poured into the bitter tea.
Timeless my dreams occur.
The words that hold me at my best,
With only sight in my hands
_________Brutality is torture.
The words so tightly around my throat
My words release, but no sound is heard.

January 26.

2009-05-03T16:20:12Z

It is not the outside of a book to be judged
But true, the inside reveals all.

Containing many beautiful features
Though not coming first
For your hidden self holds the true beauty
And the relief to my thirst.

Cliche? So to sound-
If so apologies accept.

But my throat cannot be held so tight.
And my eyes without the lack of sight
It is seemingly so- all I can see.
Though EYES can't see ALL.

Sight is a privelage.
Hard earned through realization and understanding.

Tis not the roots of the old withered tree
That tie me down
But it is the sky
That limits all heights to be found.

October 18, 2008.

2009-05-03T16:15:02Z

Lonely, lost and late-
     I sat by the withered tree.
     Looking down on me;
"What brings you to this part of the forest?"
Quiet- i would never take the risk.

                  I DID NOT REPLY TO THE WITHERED TREE;
                  NOR DID HE SPEAK ANYMORE.

Lonely I sat, desperately lost, fragily late.
WORDS, the tree did anticipate.

I breathed in the slimy air.
I exhaled a undoubtful aching.

"What has taken me here..you ask?"
                "yes?"
"THE PAST."

January 12, 2009.

2009-01-26T05:57:51Z

How dim the torn wings do shine-
      As trying to catch air through their tethered limbs.
      Eyes no longer set to the jagged horizon.
Minds no longer defined by lines.

Far seen, hidden in the mountain range
     Under the burning of the fiery void
     With only one line, a story is told-
Though- no words are in need of the inevitable change.

Only the mountains can see far in time...
     Though some wish to obtain this gift-
      As told by fictitious myths;
Crossing the lips of thousands- not only mine.

Though, one blade of grass- silvery and stained.
    It has to defend alone and brave
    Knowing each breeze could make one's grave
Knowing each exhale can reveal thy name.

All alone, one can defend, one can stand
     Yet, with broken and tethered limbs-
     Can one still reach the horizon?
With no hope- can one still demand?

A request of flowers, vibrant and colorful;
     A request of restoration, as a voice is tense;
     A question of one's endurance-
With the strength becoming dull.

Though, dying slowly frightens most....
     It shall not be feared no more;
     With the simple closing of a door-
All life can be restored, with death close!

Are we already experiencing a flattering death?
     Growing older with each second passing;
     A life's goal in which all are asking-
A L L O W.T H E.P A S T.T O.B E.L E F T.

A rant- short and sweet, sorta? What a sad species we are.

2009-01-23T01:58:24Z

Ah. People are pitiful, selfish, shallow, and irrational. Why pitiful? Why selfish? Why shallow? Why irrational? Don't ask anyone- but yourself. Because we all are pitiful, we all are selfish, we are all shallow and all are irrational at some point in our life. Though- not always seen in the eyes of one's own self- it is indeed thought of. Not everything is seen clearly, nor is thought to be perfect. But- have concepts of others blurred the minds of all? The ease to feel envious? The ease to act so unconcerned as to hurt the one's that supposedly mean the most? What do we do- with a shuffle of our feet step forward and press onward to another day just as dark. Though most, won't understand this, though some will try. I am not asking for you to agree, I am not asking you to see the way I see. But I am asking you to take time and consider others, consider the minds and the potential one can withold. Consider one another. Preaching? Merely. But, open your mind to the fact that diversity is true. Try, is all I ask.

A little more patience?

2008-12-19T03:54:05Z

Tick tock tick-
A clicking click heard from a distance-

Why, a clock seen with the naked eye?
In the middle of a road, dusted with red?

Has it lost it's way...
In the time left behind in the past-

The clock gives many choices-
Which one will be chosen?
Make the right time-

Has such thoughts blurred a static mind?
Such a sickness weaken the strength of the body?

The clock still seems to stare-
Signifying... patience is virtue.

Day by Day.

2008-12-18T01:57:38Z

The one to see- the one to witness
Not knowing of my faults.
Ignorant to his own well-being.
For- he knows no more;
Than a face in the footsteps
Scattered on the ground.

Yet the face- in his eyes glows
His eyes must be scratched of sight!
Such hollowness has became full?
Such dullness- becoming bright?

Is this the world at the very edge?
Of nothingless still hollow;
How can one blame?
How can one follow?

Of choices- laid before your eyes-
What is right, what is wrong;
Though- becoming what you hate
Seems harmful to your body
Seems harmful to your mind
Yet- is nothing but a mere image

Deeper than the deepest of depths.

2008-12-13T19:28:09Z

Do any wish to save me?
From the salty water
And the freezing sea...

Do any wish to see me?
Under the glossy
Freezing sea.

None wish to save me
None wish to travel
To the deepest sea.

A few words-

2008-12-13T19:26:26Z

Fuck all of you.

Excuse the harsh langauge, but- it's what needs to be said.

September? October? Where have the days gone?

2008-10-19T02:06:37Z

October 8th, 2008.

Where have the days gone?
Lunging into the past.

December, where do you stand?
Remembering all of your icy tasks.

Broken free from the chilly hands of the past
Striving on forward as if it were a demand

November stands bodly in my way
December is seen so clearly

Is it the pureness of winter?
That opens my frozen eyes?

Still Had to Be Saved.

2008-10-19T01:55:19Z

Date: May 9th, 2008.

Tally along now-
Where the river flows red;
We'll pick flowers of black and white.
And try to forget we're dead.

______

Date: Unknown.

I hear it under the floorboards
I taste it in the air,
I smell the lies: dragging me down.
     I feel the coldness of despair.

______

The Lost Woman-
Date: Unknown.

Wandering a house once alive
Hearing the footsteps that once arrived,
    home from a summer away.

Lingering in her eyes; the tears stay still
Holding her hand against the frosted window sill,
    for the coldness in her heart, seems to stay.

Sorrow for the lost of her dearly loved
Praying on her knees to God above
    "please Father, help me along the way."

Tired and dreary, yet still wanders with dread.
Her mind and soul, never were so dead.
     "I miss you..." is all she can say.

Betrayal

2008-02-29T02:28:12Z

My words have betrayed
Me again with deceit
They pulled a quick trick
From under their sleeve

From which was beaten and worn
Under the eyes of the dead trees
Locked away, I've tried, I've sworn!
My words have betrayed me

But oh- the revenge tasted sweet
The revenge will forever hang in my mind
Can you survive from this heat?
All my words- a waste of time.

Apologies, please accept
Because that night I wrote about you in my book
Was a night that I've kept
Along with your glances and dirty looks

Never have I felt so strong
Until that night I wrote hastily on the frayed paper
But I am sorry, but, that pen and paper didn't belong
Nor the words that occured

My words have betrayed
Me again with revenge
They waited for this day
Where I picked up that pen

Existance.

2008-02-21T02:42:11Z

My hands have captured the best of light
A gutless star now exists
     It burns my flesh...
     Incinerated, ashes of dead skin blend...
Dear... remember now!
             When you take a breath of the once pure air-
I exist there.

_________

A cacoon of lace
The wife awaits
Read her lying face..

Her fun has now arrived
All in which the husband can despise

The only one that should never know..
Are her vows waiting at home

Skyscraper Vs. Clouds

2008-02-21T01:32:35Z

"Why oh why, do you insist on looking down on me," asks the tall skyscraper.
"Ha, oh please," sarcasm intended by the clouds.
"You compare me to a cockroach; sidewalk tied down!"
"I envy you, for you are down to Earth!"
"No, no, you don't understand- cursed I've been since birth!"

Conversing back and forth
They spit critical words
Soaking themselves in self-pity
They aren't as low as hell!
They look over the hideous city
Only secrets, they can tell